“He’s God’s problem now”

You will die reading this.

A Texas man wrote a hilarious obituary for his father, letting the public know he’s “God’s problem now.”

Charles Boehm of Houston, Texas, recalled the life of 74-year-old Robert Boehm in the most unusual and hilarious ways with a candid account of who his father was. really it was.

However, it was not out of disrespect, the 41-year-old said.

Instead, it was a more sincere tribute to the man who raised him — and a chance for his small town of Clarendon, Texas, to laugh once more at its beloved fellow citizen.

“Robert Adolph Boehm, in keeping with his lifelong devotion to his personal brand of decorum, muttered his last incomprehensible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, just before stumbling back over ‘something stupid that they eavesdrop’ and hit his head on the floor”, the obituary began.

Boehm then summed up his father’s life from start to finish, saying that at his birth in 1950, “God immediately and thankfully broke the mold and tried to cover up the evidence.”

His son then recalled the special days when Robert became a father to his four children.

“Raised Catholic, Robert managed to get his wife Dianne pregnant (three times) so quickly that he barely missed being drafted into the Vietnam War, fathering Michelle, John and Charlotte between 1967 and 1972,” the obituary said.

“Much later, with Robert perhaps preoccupied with the conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983.”

Charles also recalled that his father, who worked as a “semi-professional truck driver—not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver,” had a penchant for collecting antique guns as well as harmonicas.

The latter caused his “beloved dogs to howl incessantly at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbors and occasionally give his many, many, many grandchildren to play with. loudly during long journeys with their parents”. Charles complained.

In addition, Robert’s recent hobby of shooting guns led him to “blow not one, but two holes in his car on two separate occasions.”

Charles’ mother and Robert’s wife, Dianne, had died in February. The loss was framed with jokes like “God finally had mercy on her” so she could get “out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet,” their son wrote.

“Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to entertaining you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas.”

“We’ve all done our best to enjoy/deal with Robert’s antics up to this point, but he’s God’s problem now.”

The humorous obituary went viral, garnering considerable attention online as people expressed how they wished they had known Robert, the Washington Post reported.

“Clarendon is a town of 2,000,” Charles told the media. “I knew a lot of people would like it, but I was shocked when it really took off.”

Jokes aside, however, Charles took the opportunity to address the isolation his father had faced in the final months of his life since his wife died – and the loving care locals provided.

“When I tried to get him mental health help, he admitted he was scared and wanted me to be with him,” Charles said.

“We all visited him when we could and the good people of Clarendon looked after him and helped him a lot. But it was hard for him to look at my mom’s empty chair and I’m 600 miles away.”

Now, Charles wants to use the punch-packed obituary to raise awareness that his father is one of many who have faced loneliness in their older years.

“I’d have to say if there’s anything to come of this, it’s for people everywhere to support the mental health of people in small rural towns,” he said.

“They go there to retire, then when they get old, their kids scatter and they end up alone. A lot of people slip through the cracks.”

As for Robert’s final arrangements, the Boehms encouraged funeral attendants to “dust off any outdated or inappropriate combinations of clothing you have available to attend.

“A tip jar will be available at the front; flowers are also acceptable.”